The Importance of Community

When families look for places to live, finding warm and welcoming communities plays a huge part in the decision making process. It’s often helpful when those communities contain family members and friends as they can help make one feel comfortable where they are.

Children don’t really have a say in the community that they live in. They’re resilient and can typically find their place pretty much anywhere...

… unless they have autism.

Like many people with autism, Hudson has a hard time being away from home. He hates going to school, the store, and pretty much anywhere else that he hasn’t picked. When birthday parties or any other social gathering invitation is received, we usually wait to respond until the last moment. We can’t know how Hudson will feel about going somewhere until the day of.

Home is his sanctuary, and it’s a place where we allow him more freedom in choosing what he does. There are punishments for bad behavior and rules that he must follow, but he works so hard during the school week that we want to give him the time he needs to decompress.

Staying home most weekends and holidays isolates us all from the outside world. For Hudson, he’s ok with that. Finn, Kayla, and I need more. We have to sacrifice our needs to help Hudson feel safe and to avoid major meltdowns.

The past few days have shown me how much Hudson doesn’t realize he needs “community” in his life.

Grandma Sandy

Grandma Sandy is Kayla’s Mom, and she lives 10 minutes away from us. There are only a few people with the availability to come here to see and watch the boys. She happens to be one of them.

She came over on Friday afternoon to watch the boys for a couple hours while I finished work. Kayla had to work her brewery shift after school, leaving minutes after getting home from her day job. Hudson normally prefers isolation from us after school, and Friday had been a triggering day for him. But with Grandma Sandy there, he forgot all about the struggles of the day.

He perked right up and was excited to show her every square inch of the world he’s made for himself at home. Dinosaur toys, video games, you name it. She immersed herself into his community while I recovered from a challenging phone call from the school about his day.

She was a nurse and will admit that she knows very little about autism. And yet she completely saved his day.

On Sunday, Finn had a soccer match. Hudson always protests going, but Kayla and I could not miss out on the game. Grandma Sandy went with us and stayed by Hudson’s side the entire time. And there was not a single meltdown.

The Gills

Alex and Kelsey are dear friends of ours. Kelsey is Hudson’s speech therapist at school. They have busy lives but make time to see the boys at least once or twice a year outside of school. Hudson and Finn adore them and always light up when they are around.

Today was a difficult day for Hudson, followed by another phone call from the school (our third in three days) that left us equally sad and frustrated. We both erupted into tears after hearing how much he struggled at times today. Hudson came off the bus dejected and fearful that I was going to be disappointed in him after today’s events. He disappeared under a blanket in the basement, only surfacing for a snack.

Alex came over tonight to practice songs with me for a gig we’re playing Saturday. He and Kelsey know how much Hudson loves Legos and wanted to get him a special gift. They also made sure that Finn had something equally as special. The moment Alex walked in the door, Hudson’s eyes beamed with happiness. He was grateful for the Lego set and ran upstairs as fast as he could to start working on it.

Our family has several people in our community that care for us. But they all have busy lives… lives without autism. They will read our blogs and comment on our posts, and some will call or text to check in. And we’re grateful for that. But at the same time, personally connecting with Hudson means being in his world, and in his home.

We wish that we could go to the parties and events that we’re invited to. Our lives have become incredibly isolated and controlled by autism. Hudson needed his community these past few days, and we greatly appreciate Grandma Sandy and the Gills for showing up.